Monday, September 02, 2013

The X-Files Season 7, Episode 18: Brand X

'Brand X' was gross. And it didn't have quite enough else to keep me interested beyond the grossness the way a similarly bug-infested episode, 'War of the Coprophages', did.

I don't like bugs. I'm sure I've said that a couple thousand times on this blog, because bugs come up a LOT in the show. But in this episode, except for one scene, which I'll get to in a minute, they seemed especially gross. Maybe it's because they were coming out of people's lungs and reproducing in their lung tissue. Holy crap, that's so far beyond the normal level of disgusting I'm used to.

Oh, and also they were flesh-eating bugs. No, thank you.

So yeah, there was one scene near the end where a huge stream of bugs started pouring from Brimley's mouth that just looked SO FAKE. It was comically bad CGI and I'd complain that it took me out of the moment, but that's not really a moment I'd want to be in because bugs. Still! The effects on this show are often not spectacular, but that scene went well beyond unspectacular and landed in absurd and hard to suspend disbelief.

Also, this is yet another episode involving the Smoking Man's favourite brand of cigarettes that he's not in. It led to a discussion about the use of Morley Cigarettes on this show, and naturally, looking up the entire history of the brand on Wikipedia. It turns out it's pretty much the go-to fictional brand of cigarettes in an awful lot of shows, but The X-Files is the most well known use of the brand.

While the episode wasn't fantastic, I did like the resolution that Scully discovered, and really, once she did, everything kind of fell into place and made perfect sense. But like SO MANY episodes of this series that don't quite work, it took way too long and way too roundabout a way to get there. Mulder's infection came too late in the episode to spend that much time worrying about him, and really, I didn't care enough about the other characters to worry that much about them.

But the idea that the addictive nicotine in the cigarettes was what kept the beetles from infecting Darryl Weaver is kind of fascinating? We all know smoking is bad for you and so here's a guy whose habit will surely catch up to him in other ways eventually, but for the time being, smoking is what's actually keeping him alive. Presumably the nicotine in his system will keep the beetles at bay (hey, that would be a good title for a chapter in a book) for long enough that he can possibly quit smoking. Not that I think he would, but still, it should be possible.

I especially did like that Scully discovered the connection by noticing Mulder's hands. It's subtle - not quite blink and you'll miss it, but close - so it would be easy to conclude she just deduced it from the fact that Weaver stank of cigarette smoke. I like the way it actually played out better.

Well, except for the utterly horrifying idea of bugs gestating inside your lung tissue. The idea of bugs gestating pretty much anywhere in your body is gross, but your lungs? And not just hanging out resting on the surface of your lungs, but inside them? Nope. A thousand gallons of nope.

I did enjoy the general anti-big tobacco message in this episode, though. I'm reminded a little of Thank You For Smoking in that regard. Obviously every company keeps secrets, but the tobacco giants seem to be especially good at not giving anything away, especially in the face of federal investigations. And it's completely horrible, because in our non-X-Files universe, people at least should have a right to know what's in the stuff they're smoking, and in the show, well, people are dying and they pretty much know why.

And I'm kind of surprised the phrase 'obstruction of justice' never came up, because really, that's what not cooperating with the investigation is.

But the one thing I do not understand is how insect larvae could be aerosolised and inhaled in cigarette smoke. I understand how they can be in the tobacco and enter a person's lungs via their mouth as they inhale from the end of the cigarette. That makes sense. But cigarette smoke is lighter than air already, so if the beetle eggs can be carried on the smoke, there's pretty much nothing stopping them from being transported into people's lungs through normal, non-smoky air, as well, and then everyone would be breathing them. Also, how would the heat not kill them anyway?

This show is usually very good with the science, even when it comes to otherwise implausible things. Scully is usually very good with the science. But this defies the laws of physics. Eggs being carried by smoke but not by normal air isn't even paranormal. It just can't happen.

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