The X-Files Season 2, Episode 7: 3

Wow, that title isn't confusing at all. Episode 7: 3!

Three ... vampires, apparently? This was a really strange episode, and felt really out of place, considering what we just saw and is still unresolved from the last two.

I don't even know if I can write much about this episode, because for the most part, I didn't really understand it. But also because I kind of hate that it's where it is.

I've got the distinct impression that this episode is not highly regarded among the fans of the series. I'm sure most of that relates to the fact that coming off the one-two punch of 'Duane Barry' and 'Ascension', the viewers are left wanting more of that story and not a monster of the week episode that almost certainly has no bearing on anything else in the entire series.

Oh, right, and WHERE THE HELL IS SCULLY? (Yes, I know about Gillian Anderson's maternity leave, but still, they could have made an episode without her that still led to her eventual return plot-wise instead of something completely unrelated and disconnected, and well, bad. This just left us hanging.)

So yeah, it's not really stated outright, but I think what we're seeing is Mulder trying to distract himself with work, and maybe the writers trying to show us how completely strange it would now feel to see an investigation without Scully's involvement. Because we don't see Skinner at all, or the Smoking Man, or pretty much anything else to connect it to the previous episode. So we're kind of in the same position as viewers that Mulder is - utterly lost.

Mulder is disturbingly methodical in his initial meeting with the LAPD, speaking in a similar flat tone to the one he used in 'The Host'. He doesn't really want to be there, but he knows he has to. He's not into this the way he's into a lot of the other investigations he does.

And then ... and ... what the hell, shit just gets weird. No, wait, I've seen weird. This is weird even by weird standards.

Honestly, the best moment of this episode was Mulder's sarcastic comment about drawstring pants. And the one about pulling a quarter from behind the coroner's ear. Yeah, that's how bad I thought this episode was.

Because everything else is too bizarre, even for The X-Files.

I especially don't understand how Mulder protecting Kristen suddenly turned sexual. That was a big flying leap out of nowhere. "I'm staying!" "Well, then I'm staying." "OK, fine, then take of your shirt and shave and we can make out!" Wait, what?

I think the story is only very loosely held together and there really isn't a whole lot of resolution at the end. Mulder is still lost without Scully, still clutching her cross and hoping she turns up. I get that part of it, at least. But damn, they could have come up with a better story to tell to advance that character development.

Also, the blood in the bread was one of the most disgusting things I've seen on this show.

Also also, "They found four bodies, all dead." THAT'S WHAT BODIES ARE, DUMBASS, otherwise you'd call them injured or victims or whatever.

Yeah, I won't be rewatching this one any time soon.